Reflections on "Reflections"

After reading my last post to myself, I noticed that I could have basically broken it down into just two things: experiencing what my body is capable of ("human body," "dancing," "crafting," "dangerous activities,"), and experiencing the earth and all of its wonders ("rain," "flowers," "animals," "coconut," "moon, stars, universe," and "traveling"). And then I noticed another theme - a lot of the things on that list that are the most important to me, I don't do. Like dancing, and being in front of the camera, and spending more time with nature, and crafting, and traveling. I realize I can't do it all, but if I think about it, what do I spend my time doing instead? I know I could do better to make myself happier.

The last thing that stood out to me were the things that I didn't include. Like gymnastics. I mentioned it, but it didn't get its own number. I guess I just assumed that gymnastics was a given. But I think that's further proof that it's slowly slipping away from my conscious. I also think I realized something important about gymnastics; the reason I feel so conflicted about loving it or hating it. To clarify, here's what I think it is: I love the art of gymnastics, I hate the necessary brutality for doing it as a sport. Easy enough to understand I guess. Which stresses me out, because I cannot for the life of me decide if I will put my future children in gymnastics or not.

I also didn't include cooking. I like food and nutrition and cooking and serving people a lot. But right now I can't include that because my struggles with food are just too exhausting. The eating disorder, and now the constant digestive distress. It's just not fun. But when this is over, you bet that will be on my list. 

And lastly, I really didn't talk about people. I mentioned Larry, and briefly mentioned a few family members, but I think a reflection on the people in my life is very necessary. 

That is all.