I was (and still am) really upset about Halloween. Because I bought a costume and didn't get to wear it. I am the only 21 year old that doesn't have a picture to post, posing with all of her friends in their cute costumes. Because I have no friends or social life. I BOUGHT A DAMN COSTUME. I was soooo excited that this year, I was going to have something to do! But no. Where would I go? I have no friends here that would have invited me to a party. And I blew the Bar Crawl thing by not buying tickets in advance. Because I wasn't sure that Larry would actually want to go. Which he didn't. Also, when he got here, the second thing he said to me was "what are you all dressed up for?" The first was "It smells in here." Livid. I put an outfit on because I wanted to feel like I actually had something to get dressed for. Apparently I didn't.
I've been feeling veeery upset lately about having no friends, and I guess this weekend just solidified that I have no life at all. I have no fun like every other 21 year old female does. And I crave it! I want to get dressed up and go out with the girls and have adventures! And these are weekends, Halloweens, that I will never get back. I have officially gone through all four of my Halloweens in COLLEGE without doing ANYTHING, while everyone else I know is posting pic-stitches of the past 4 crazy awesome fun amazing Halloweens they've had. Who do I even have anymore?
My actual friends list:
Kalvin: who I call my best friend right now. Except we have no mutual friends. Meaning he went to a concert and a party on Halloween and I did not.
Madison: absolutely drifting apart. Just a girlfriend to gossip to. Don't even really update each other on our lives anymore.
Sam: this girl means so much to me, only she lives in Maryland and is a grad student so staying connected is hard. Also, I feel like we are only "recovery friends". Also, when I gave up on running we stopped hanging out and talking as much because that was our thing. And now she's racing in 10Ks with her other friends. I'm absolutely crushed about that PS.
Ashley: I am closer to her than anyone mentioned above, but when I quit everything changed. We went from seeing each other every day to not at all, and then she got closer with the other girls on the team that didn't quit. And I saw Facebook posts of them starting to go to parties together and grow through that together, and I was never a part of that. But I would very much like to make up for lost time.
Annnnnnnd that's about all I've got. Yay. Hopefully nursing school will bring new friends?
Okay, now to something positive. Even though last night's vomit and shit fest was absolutely grotesque and terrible, I was really touched by how well Larry took care of me. He cleaned my vomit for the third time in our relationship, and scratched my back while he played classical music for me. Even though I felt awful physically, having him there made me feel very loved and very comforted. He's the best. I love him so much.
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