On Monday night, I dreamt that I went back to Capital. I was on bars, my best and favorite event. My coach, Tatiana, was there. She was so excited that I was back. We started talking about what my new routine would be. A requirement is that you have to have two different release moves, so we started talking about that.
"I love your pak salto, so we'll keep that in," she said.
"I can do a tkachev, what about that?" I asked.
Tatiana replied that she knew I could do a tkachev, but she didn't want me to because tkachevs are ugly. Instead, she told me to do a jeager. I have competed a jeager before, and I was good at it, but I like tkachevs much better because jeagers are blind (meaning you can't see the bar, you just have to reach out and hope your hands land on it instead of your face), whereas in tkachevs you can see the bar.
"I don't like jeagers because I like to see what I'm doing," I said.
But Tatiana insisted that I do the jeager. She assured me that it would take me a while to get the skill back, but that I should just try it.
I trusted her, so I put on my heel pads (when you first start doing jeagers, it's a common mistake to flip too close to the bar and hit your heels full force). I went for it...I smacked my heels hard...but I caught it. I couldn't believe it! I caught it!!!!!!
Tatiana and the whole gym started clapping. And that was the end.
On Tuesday night, I dreamt that I was in school. I was in a very large, unfamiliar classroom, with an unfamiliar teacher. She had the class pass a complex poem down the rows, and each student was supposed to read a line. I was irrationally nervous as it got closer to being my turn.
When it came to be my turn, I could barely read my line. I couldn't pronounce anything, couldn't get my words out, and didn't recognize any of the words I was reading. After struggling for some time and realizing that everyone probably thought I was an idiot, I passed the poem on to the person next to me, but the teacher stopped me.
"Wait, what? Read that again."
"I can't see!" I said. I kept putting in eye drops, the kind that Larry has been using to help his eyes after surgery.
I took a deep breath and tried again. I realized that I had missed entire words in the sentence the first time, and it made a little more sense this time. I was so embarrassed.
When the class was over, the teacher read the poem in its entirety to us. When she got to the line that I read, she called me out and said, "see Courtney? That's how you say it."
The end.
Two nights in a row where I can't see something? What the hell am I not seeing? Okay, going into dream interpretation mode.
In the first dream, I was afraid to do something because I couldn't see what I was doing. But I knew that I could do it. When I tried it again, I nailed it. It hurt because I smacked my heels, but I still made it. Okay, but what is that thing that I'm afraid to go for? Wait, I think I just had an epiphany. I wanted to do the tkachev because it was familiar. I was afraid of the jeager because I couldn't see the outcome. What if the only reason I'm clinging to gymnastics is because it's familiar? And I'm scared of doing anything else because it's unpredictable? And the significance of release moves? Because it's all about knowing when to let go. Interesting. I'll consider it.
But in the second dream, I couldn't do something basic like reading because I couldn't see. But when I tried it again, I realized I was missing some words that helped it make sense. But WHAT ARE THE MISSING PIECES? And what is the significance of a poem? Maybe because poems are complex and hard to interpret, but come together when you put the pieces together? This one is giving me a little more trouble. The answer is right in front of me, but I can't see it.
...kind of like in my dream? Ah. Brain, you never cease to amaze me with you clever ways of delivering me messages.
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